Saturday, September 3, 2011

Busy Doing Nothing (yes that's still a song title)

Seems like I've been at a dead run all month, with not a lot of progress to show for it.  But maybe I have to reconsider what progress means.  While I am not personally motivated by the almighty dollar, it always amuses me how much emphasis I put on measurable results.  That means completing a thing, reaching a word count, checking off boxes on a to-do list, completing goals on the Purple Calendar of Doom, basically getting something I can measure and see with my two eyes.  Intangibles are much harder for me. I generally get impatient with people who focus on the overall vision and philosophy and I always want them to cut to the chase and get to the bottom line (to use corporate speak) and figure out how we are going to actually do the damn thing.  I also have a problem with time.  Time means more to me than money. I don't like to waste my time, and I am constantly engaged in figuring out how to save time, how to gain time, how to cut the time it takes to do things, both at work and at home.  Time is always what I wish I had more of.  I mean money would be great too, but it's just money, I don't lust after it the way I always lust after more time.  Money can't buy me time, unless I won the lottery and could stop working for a living.

So what's the point of this rambling? I'm trying to figure out how to make it okay to myself that I spent a boatload of time at the gym this month to the detriment of my other goals.  This was my first month as a member of a gym (that I actually attended) since 1996.  I went 15 times this month and spent between an hour and an hour and a half each time.  Taking time for physical exercise is tough for me.  I do not enjoy physical exercise.  That whole endorphin thing?  I've never experienced it in my life (and don't tell me I will as things progress, because I never did even when I was more in shape and exercising regularly).  Quite frankly, I think other people are making it up and endorphins are akin to unicorns and leprechauns.  And I hate to sweat.  And the time it wastes doing something I do not enjoy kills me.  And my busy little type A mind says to myself, "Yes, I know that you're here because you want to be healthier and you don't want to get diabetes and you need to strengthen your back because you're tired of your back going out and your sciatica, but seriously?  You're going to be dead and in the ground no matter what and wouldn't you have rather spent the time doing something else?"  Can you all see why my inner voice is not particularly helpful?  And I'm making measurable progress with respect to increasing the amount of reps on the machines, and how much I can bike, walk on the treadmill, and do the elliptical, and it is becoming harder to reach my target heart rate doing what I was doing, but my inner voice is not impressed.  "So what?" it says.  "You're getting better at doing something you don't like doing and wasting all this time, when you have other things you need to do like finish your novel, and make your goals on your stash reduction plan."  It's been helpful that I've been meeting up with Bridget M and Shawn to help get me there, but I still I need help guys, help me come up with things to tell my inner voice.  Because the fact that I need to do this to take better care of myself, is not impressing my inner voice.  Taking care of myself has never been high on my inner voice's list of priorities, I've always had more important things to get done.  Intellectually, I know I need to do this.  But I need help actually believing it.  Particularly when I look at what else I didn't accomplish this month as a result.

So, moving on to the numbers and what I didn't accomplish this month.  As stated above, not so much writing this month.  I gained only about 1,337 words this month for a new grand total of 107,844 words and 355 pages. Yippy.  Spinning goals, a big fat zero.  Woo hoo! Did a little bit more knitting, but not a ton.  I'm working on the G+ BBKAL shawl.  Got a bit done during the hurricane, but I've been lax about even knitting it seems like. 

In other news, I did finally get my tattoo done.  It's my 40th birthday present to myself, which is not until February, but I wanted it done before the cruise in December and needed it done in time to heal well so I can do what I want to do on the cruise.  This pic is taken right after it was finished so the skin is still red, but I can't take a new one until it has finished healing and peeling, because you don't want to see the peeling.  But it's looking like it's healing well. If you can't tell the yarn underneath the dragon says "Yarned & Dangerous."  I'm really, really happy with it.  You saw the crappy picture I gave to the tattoo artist in my last post, and this is what she came up with.  She's brilliant!!  If there's other knitterly folk in NH that want a custom tattoo done, here's her portfolio at Tattoo Junkies in Portsmouth, NH.  Her name is Stina Sardina Wulfe.  She actually did research on how people hold their hands when they knit to get the dragon's fingers right.  And for those considering it, I was surprised at how much it really, really hurt.  Lora K was laughing at me biting my finger really, really hard the whole time, as she documented the process on film for me.  So this is my last one until I turn 80.  I think once every 40 years will cover it. 

This month also saw the arrival of my friend Kat's little munchkin.  Welcome to the world, little Mateus, or as you will always be known to me henceforth, Roscoe Buford Bobby-Joe, in recompense for your mother screwing around with me about your name before you were born. The amount of hair on that kid's head is amazing. 

The garden is doing well, I finally harvested about 9 ripe cherry tomatoes and the garden lived through Hurricane Irene.  We were very lucky here.  Although we had a ton of rain, the power only flickered twice, and my balcony was sheltered enough that I didn't even have to take the topsy-turvy that the cherry tomatoes are in down from where it was hanging.  This is, of course, because I went out and bought flashlights, batteries, and things I could cook in a Jetboil if necessary. Laurin's shin dig got cancelled, which was a bummer, but it's minor in the grand scheme of things.  My thoughts go out to those that were not as lucky, and I hope that power is restored to those still waiting as soon as possible.

Today I plan to try to write, work on the schedule for September in the Purple Calendar of Doom, and knit. We might go to the gym, but any thoughts you all have to use against my inner voice would be helpful.

Stay tuned for further updates.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe consider that by exercising to extend your life, you are actually creating more time down the line. You might need a goal for that, too, though -- like a biking challenge or something. At least the time spent with Shawn and Bridget wasn't a waste. Hey -- you could always go run a muddy mountain with Bridget.